


That Feeling

by dan_vs92



Series: Fiddleford-Appreciation-Month 2017 [6]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10080599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dan_vs92/pseuds/dan_vs92
Summary: Fiddleford loves social events, he really does but there is always something about them that make him anxious.





	

It was a feeling that left a sinking hole in his stomach that made every part of him stiffen. He didn't like this, he never did and often had to face it all alone. Trapped in his fears not wanting to worry the person who had come here with him. 

Last week it had been his girlfriend introducing him to her parents and tonight it was with Stanford at their weekly DD and D game.

One would think one should be more scary then the other but not for Fiddleford. Sitting here next to his half drunk friends, merely twirling his drink around in his hands. 

He kept glancing over to Ford across the table, enthusiastically letting the role of the dungeon master consume him not picking up on his friend’s discomfort. Fidds somehow kept his smile, though it was very forced, sitting there among his friends as he spun his drink, half listening to Ford and Benny argue about how much power the dungeon master really had. 

Benny was a swell guy, he and his brothers, one next to Fiddleford and one across from Benny, were triplets who had dreams of one day making it to space. They resided in the dorm next to their own and while Fidds warmed up to them right away, it had taken Stanford a little longer and some convincing to join their budding club. 

“No, my ass you can just have a dragon appear at that level! We can’t beat that!”

“If you properly strategize and use that brain of yours you could!”

“Pines, you better not being putting be implying we aren’t as smart as you again or I swear---!”

“Say your move and roll the dice, Benjamin! We have an hour before we need to get back to studying and we aren’t wasting another game! You are a level 40 high mage, you can manage my dragon if you are as smart as you claim!”

Fidds grip on his glass tightened listening to his friends fight again. Sometimes he dreaded their games because of this. They would either go smoothly or they would be non stop bickering and the alcohol the triplets thought was necessary only made the situation worse. 

Fidds downed his liquor after that the bickering grew louder, Jerry and Tommy coming to their brother’s aid about Ford’s supposed over use of his power. He sank a little in his seat wanting to be invisible.

Last week he had found himself in a similar situation when his future father in law had jokingly began to tear down his walls. He was a bean pole. A hillbilly. A joke. He didn’t voice his discomfort because he shouldn’t feel that way about a man joking with him.

Now he was too cowardly to ask his friends to stop arguing. He could just ask them to stop and for Ford to not abuse his power the way he was. They were his friends, they all loved and respected him and would do anything to make him comfortable. He kept his silence though.

Ford pounded his fist hard against the table making Fidds jump.

His knee smacked hard against the table as well. likely to leave a bruise but that was unnoticed by the slam of Benny’s fist as he and Ford got into a heated debate about what the dragon could and couldn’t do. 

He excused himself to the bathroom and they stopped fighting instantly smiling at him and asking if he was ok. He was shaking. He shook his head and guaranteed he was OK, he just needed to go for a minute. Ford smiled for the first time all night asking him if he wanted him to come with him. He put on his biggest, fakest smile and said the alcohol was just getting to him. He would be back in a minute.

Ford’s judgment wasn’t the best and with the booze clouding his mind, he believed him and told him to hurry back.

He shut the bathroom door behind him and locked himself in. He heard Benny ask Ford what was wrong with him and if he was OK. Ford snarled it was probably them picking fights that made him feel uneasy making Fidds sink to the floor, not bothering to turn the light on.

He’s nice but he’s not much of a man, dear, his future mother in law chuckled and his girlfriend laughed along assuring them he made up for lack of man hood. He’s sensitive, Pines, his friends snarled defending him. These were the things that defined him and he would never escape from. 

Both now and then he had disappeared into the bathroom, tears falling as he sank on the floor, hating he was this way. Once this feeling got hold of him, it just took its course and there was no stopping it.

Last week he had yanked out a chunk of hair, flushing it down the toilet concentrating on it swirl away before cleaning himself up enough to go take on his performance once more. Brushing his hair just right so they wouldn’t even notice some was missing. Now he just sat on the floor letting the tears fall, knowing they weren’t missing him, their arguing echoing once more.

In thirty minutes he would come out after cleaning himself up and his friends were too drunk to notice he had been gone that long. Ford would miss his own dead line after another shot and they wouldn’t be home for another two hours.

In that time Fidds held his knee to stop the quivering and his smile became more real each time he got to role the dice and made up his own story where he was brave. His character was fearless and capable and man enough to be accepted by everyone. 

He wasn’t as worthless as the genuine Fiddleford Hadron Mcgucket.

**Author's Note:**

> I suffer bad anxiety so this may or may not be based off personal experience


End file.
